folkefire Review of Top NA Beers

Every year beginning in January I enter what I call the St. Paddy’s Day Dry Run.

I can feel the animosity and accompanying butterfly effect from every craft brewer in the country rolling their eyes in unison.

Not to be confused with something that requires exercise, say the Shamrock Run, the St. Paddy’s Day Dry Run is like an extended Dry January that influences most of my socializing and decision making until that greenest of saintly holidays.

My dry run initially began as part of a weight loss regimen. At the time I was reading the 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferris and combined alcohol abstinence with regular exercise and a thoughtful diet. I was actually shocked by how many pounds I lost that first year so it’s continued as a tradition of sorts. In the ensuing years I’ve experimented with varying degrees of exercise (based on laziness more than anything) but I’m sad to report that after vigorous testing, omitting alcohol alone isn’t really enough to get those desired physical results.

To avoid physical discomfort, the St. Paddy’s Day Dry Run has evolved to become a multi-purpose affair. I can do it to save money, or lose weight, or simply give my body and mind a break from a barrage of late-year holidays filled with mulled wine, cocktails, seasonal ales, Egg Nog and the general escapism that often accompanies the end of the year from myriad social gatherings, overall darkness and chill, and the culmination of the NFL and college football season.

Autumn often fills me with a somber vibe as I ponder the run-to-come, but after sobriety has commenced I consistently find that it’s shocking to discover that it’s actually remarkably easy to shift my lifestyle. Here I am 23 days in and I don’t hardly miss it – at least partially a result of the following non-alcoholic beers.

Ranking Non-Alcoholic Beers

Domestic

I’ve tried nearly a dozen non-alcoholic craft, domestic and foreign beers. Several have traded top spots as my favorite based upon newness or my personal flavor preferences at any given time. Shockingly, O’Douls, the butt of many jokes, is actually quite similar to a Bud Light or Coors Light – if you enjoy that kind of beverage. At one point I tried Busch NA and felt that it tasted like college – which is possibly a high compliment of one kind or another. If you’re the type of person that prefers a domestic beer, or reverts to them while on a break from the bite of IPA’s or caloric porter bombs, then you may find you prefer a domestic NA beer. They hit the mark, at least partially, because they already meet our lowest expectations.

European

My favorite beers are foreign pilsners and lagers. Likely because they remind me of a younger iteration of myself posting up in a dark Irish pub being entertained by throngs of locals, or propped at a bustling street café suckling back on a warm autumn day.

Which is to say that it may be somewhat surprising to learn that I don’t love any of the Euro NA options. Clausthaler was a favorite for a hot minute, Heinekin 0.0 could suffice in a pinch (but I found it too watered down). Bitburger Drive serves to remind me too much of my favorite European pilsners sans the fulfilling fullness and bite. I have yet to try the Weihenstephaner non-alcoholic beer for the same reason – but admit I’m curious. My favorite Euro pilsner is Pilsner Urquell, but if an NA version exists and it didn’t taste like the real thing it might just break my heart. My pal at one of our local Irish pubs swears by Harp’s non-alcoholic offering but I can’t recall trying it. Which may or may not be an indictment?

Craft

During the past year or so I’ve seen more brands get involved in the NA beer scene – typically piquing around Dry January. This is the first year I’ve noticed (or paid attention to) non-alcoholic IPA’s. Despite being from the Pacific Northwest, I am not wild about IPA’s (sans Port Townsend Brewing’s IPA). I can go a year without touching one – which is just enough time to feel like I’m discovering it anew – before being burnt out again. I don’t feel completely differently about an IPA’s NA cousin but I appreciate not getting wasted after one beverage. The first NA IPA brand I bought was called Athletic and I was surprised that it offered an honest run at an IPA. I’m currently drinking a Crux NoMo non-alcoholic IPA. It’s another fine attempt and it is slightly more fulfilling than a pilsner NA because of its stronger flavor profile featuring Citra and Mosaic hops grown in the Pacific Northwest.

Craft Owned by Large Multi-national Corporations

I’m putting Lagunitas near the craft category but I don’t think they fit the bill any longer. I know that ten years ago one of their employees gave me a free keg as a sponsorship for an author tour I’d put together. I lugged that keg around two states in support of our events and never forgot their kindness. My favorite NA beverage at the moment is the Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher. It’s an NA beer without distractions, which is to say that it doesn’t have any near-beer flavor that might only serve to get ones hopes up. It’s more like a hoppy seltzer water – and with zero calories it’s like a free liquid distraction (as opposed to the 30-65 calories for an IPA NA beer). Worth mentioning that Lagunitas also has an IPNA that they claim to have a top secret process for but I haven’t tried it yet.

Local Indie Oregon

For honorable mention I have to give a shout out to a recent discovery from a brand called Aurora based in Oregon. I tried their Pomelo Sage Hops beverage and it was such a pleasant experience. A mixture of hops … and I tasted the good parts of a passion fruit profile … but I don’t see that description on their website so I’m reticent to broadcast that thought. The difference between Aurora’s take on a hoppy beverage and the other brands is that it contains sugar. It’s not much, and I don’t really care, but perhaps it deserves more space in my soda write up. Spoiler alert: I don’t drink enough soda for a write up.

Conclusion
For anyone doing a Dry January, Sober October – or even joining me on the epic St. Paddy’s Day Dry Run – there’s a growing market for these beverages. It doesn’t matter if you’re seeking to lose weight, save money or simply give your body a rest – the truth is that taking a break from alcohol is good for your body, mind and soul. This coming from a devout and decorated publican!

Slainte.